I cheated on her very early in our relationship

She says she wants to do couples counseling and she says she needs to see action from me on going to therapy and my relationship with the kids

I really enjoyed reading most of this because I saw hope at the end of a long tunnel. My wife and I have been together for 5 and a half years and married for almost 4. I worked very hard and jumped thru many hoops to gain her trust back. I am the first to admit I was wrong. Which is not by any means ok. I very recently discovered my wife is having an affair with someone she met online. It’s been about 7 weeks and she also drove 14 hours to see him. I managed to get her phone . They have daily long convos thru text, phone, and video. They send pictures and their convos were very explicit at times. They even began saying hey love each other. I also read many lies in which she told him about me about her and our family dynamic which leads me to believe it’s a fling but still unsure. There were many red flags but I was in school and focused and with the lockdown was not as attentive as I should have been. She came home from a 4 day trip to see her sick friend. I found out she was else where. When she came home she said she had fallen out of love with me and that it’s because of my relationship with the our kids and how I treat them. That may be part of the reason but I know it’s not 100% of it. She said she didn’t want me to touch her and no kissing no hugging no intimacy that she needed to think if a divorce was best option. She said the only reason why she didn’t want to leave and start over was because of the life we built and the kids.

The next 3 days were a roller coaster. I brought up a convo I had with my step dad and mom about their affair hoping she would come clean. I also said is an affair a forgivable offense in a marriage and she said obviously. I forgave you for cheating on me. I said if the shoe was on the other foot would you expect me to forgive you and she got very defensive and said Idk I don’t wanna talk about it. So I left it alone. Over the course of the three days bits and pieces of us and our good parts sept into the days with her actually coming to lay in our bed with me. Her snuggling with me and me rubbing her head and back. There was even a point when I went in to kiss her forehead and she kissed me on the lips instead multiple times.

It was just a 3 week convo that ended in me hanging out with her but no sex just foreplay

I feel like she’s very conflicted. I feel though the counseling won’t be very beneficial if the affair is still happening.

Yesterday we had a very open and honest conversation and connected but then she gave me a gut punch and said she was going back to see her sick friend and how emotional that experience was. I really wanted to say something but didn’t. It took every ounce of self control on my part to not say anything. In the end I asked her if our life and our marriage were still worth saving and she said yes because of the life we built and for our kids. The she also said and ServiГ§o de namoro na Venezuela grГЎtis last ditch effort we seperate to see if we can work things out ( which I won’t do) but I didn’t say anything. She said if there’s irrihensible damage which I’m assuming came from the definition of a divorce. So she’s obviously been looking at it. She also said if there was no change on my part that we would be done that she couldn’t live like this indefinitely. She said I don’t want to start over. I don’t want to sell everything and start from scratch. She said I have and I can but I don’t want to.