Sorry if this is a derail, but: of course opposite-sex friendships and same-sex friendships are different

I bet you don’t « make a point » of meeting your female friends’ boyfriends and talking about these boys « in a positive way » in order to make it « clear to everyone » that you’re not interested in sex with your chums

I would feel totally different about a female friend my boyfriend developed over time at his job than say, if he sat down one day on the bus next to a girl and went home with her number. Unfair judgment, perhaps, but friendships developed in the second way or something similar would maybe seem similar to hitting on or picking up on a girl.

I didn’t say they couldn’t be friends, just that, obviously, they can’t be friends in the same way as same-sex friendships

Also, did you totally light up or leave the room when the other girl called, how long were you on the phone, was there any reason for the call, etc?? Realize there may have been may factors that caused your gf’s reaction.

Maybe your girlfriend later realized she’d overreacted too. She probably does feel jealous or controlling but maybe she’s willing to let reason and logic rule from now on, or calm her fears. I imagine lots of girls would feel a tad jealous if this same situation happened. Some, unlike probably most of the previous posters wives and gfs, may not have had the opportunity and time previously to deal appropriately with this type of thing. It sounds like it’s never come up between you(or potentially with another) so give her the chance to come to her senses.

Also maybe your change in behavior (starting to form female friendships) makes her question whether it could also be a change in thinking.

In the end though, you’ve really just got to talk to her. Even if she doesn’t budge right away, try to figure out what reasons she had for reacting like this. Give her the chance to change her reaction and thinking. posted by nzydarkxj at 6:42 PM on

I am so far from understanding the whole « men and women can’t be friends » meme that when I read a comment like this, it feels like I am reading a communique from another planet. Go figure–big world, lots of different ways to live in it.

Hey, did you even read what I wrote? I wasn’t redistributing some shitty meme. In fact, you pretty much say the same thing yourself:

I always make a point of https://getbride.org/tr/meksikali-kadinlar/ befriending their girlfriends or wives, and/or talking with them about their girlfriends or wives in a positive way, just to make it clear to everyone that what I am interested in is friendship.

No, what I mean by being dubious about this idea of opposite-sex relationships being just like any other friendship is this: my girlfriends have in the past, without my batting an eyelid, done various activities with their female friends, including going dancing, swimming (sometimes naked), staying up late in each other’s rooms drinking wine, sharing clothes, excessive hugging, discussing my numerous faults, going on holiday together, staying over in each other’s apartments, staying over in each other’s beds. and most or some or all of these would be totally unacceptable behavior with a male friend, to me, to them, and to the majority of the above posters no doubt. My girlfriends could not have done some of these things with a male friend and then said to me, « What’s the big deal? He’s my friend. »

I’m not going to go into long discussions of Gossip Girl or birth control with my guy friends, and I’m also not going to sleep in a bed with them. I realize these things vary for everyone, but I would never do most of the things you listed with my platonic guy friends even when I’m single (dancing and discussing faults, maybe). I think you can have a valuable, even close friendship with the opposite sex without it turning into constant subliminal sexual tension land, but part of that is knowing what lines to draw with someone of the gender you’re attracted to, and knowing not to flirt or respond to flirting in the beginning of the friendship. That’s instrumental in keeping the friendship alive, not just in staying faithful to your significant other. I don’t think that makes those friendships any less worthwhile than those with girls, though. There are lots of ways to platonically bond without swimming naked together. posted by you’re a kitty! at 7:05 PM on