Two months of “kinda-close” friends before dating?

TMO, I say this as someone who knew his wife for nearly a decade before we started dating and dated for years before getting engaged: two weeks is way the fuck too soon to be thinking of kids and marriage no matter how long you knew each other beforehand. That’s not just “no” but “hell no”.

At two weeks, you’re not even at the “I feel comfortable farting in front of you” stage, never mind out of the honeymoon period, and decidedly not at a point where marriage or kids should ever enter the picture. You, quite literally, do not know him well enough to make that decision.

In your case specifically? I’m going to go ahead and tell you to save yourself the heart ache and end things now because your beau is already giving you the wave off.

This is not a situation where you’re going to have a lot of happy memories and adventures, followed by a mutually amicable break up. This is going to be a miserable slog for you and likely for him because he clearly sees what you are hoping for and he’s trying to tell you now that it’s never going to happen.

I am here from the future to tell you that you aren’t going to be able to make “this is a completely unserious relationship with a hard cut off” work

Seriously, I don’t know how much clearer this could possibly be. I mean, the first time you slept together, he’s telling you he doesn’t want kids. OK, maybe you could see that as a “no accidental pregnancies” sort of thing if you squint. A lot. It’s not, but under other circumstances, I could at Santa rosa in Paraguay lady dating least pretend to commiserate about how clitful thinking might mistranslate that.

But there’s clitful thinking and then there’s seeing a guy waving giant red flags in semaphore saying “no, not happening, never gonna happen” and thinking “aww, he’s doing an interpretive dance for me!” You’re more or less deliberately ignoring the fact that you knew this about him in advance. Well, he’s made it clear that’s never going to happen.

Now that is a general rule – something that I feel applies to pretty much every relationship, regardless of age, gender or sexuality

But the fact that he’s repeatedly reiterating “no kids, ever” and “I never want to get married” is the much bigger tell here. It seems pretty clear here that you’re giving off a vibe of marriage, kids, the white picket fence in the suburbs and he’s not only picked up on it but is telling you in no uncertain terms that this is not a thing, it’s not ever going to be a thing and you really need to abandon all hope already.

And as someone who’s done the whole “swear up and down that no, I know exactly what I’m getting into, I’m cool with this being completely casual, no labels no expectations, we’re not boyfriend/girlfriend” dance and knew damn good and well I was lying to myself. The only question is who you’re trying to convince: him or yourself. And honestly? I suspect it’s you.

I think that if you do this, you’d be constantly on the lookout for signs that maaaaaaybe he’s changing his mind or maaaaaybe you’ve convinced him. You will be reading the metaphorical tea leaves, trying to find evidence that he’s coming around to your way of thinking and frustrating all your friends when you keep talking about it. And then this will end in tears and heart break when he reminds you, again, that he meant what he said.